Orphans: Disc three: Bastards

You gentlemen who think you have a mission
To purge us of the seven deadly sins
Should first sort out the basic food position
Then start your preaching, that’s where it begins

You lot who preach restraint and watch your waist as well
Should learn, for once, the way the world is run
However much you twist or whatever lies that you tell
Food is the first thing, morals follow on

So first make sure that those who are now starving
Get proper helpings when we all start carving
What keeps mankind alive?

What keeps mankind alive?
The fact that millions are daily tortured
Stifled, punished, silenced and oppressed
Mankind can keep alive thanks to its brilliance
In keeping its humanity repressed
And for once you must try not to shriek the facts
Mankind is kept alive by bestial acts

Once upon a time there was a poor child,
with no father and no mother
And everything was dead
And no one was left in the whole world
Everything was dead

And the child went on search, day and night
And since nobody was left on the earth,
he wanted to go up into the heavens
And the moon was looking at him so friendly
And when he finally got to the moon,
the moon was a piece of rotten wood

And then he went to the sun
And when he got there, the sun was a wilted sunflower
And when he got to the stars, they were little golden flies.
Stuck up there, like the shrike sticks 'em on a blackthorn

And when he wanted to go back, down to earth,
the earth was an overturned piss pot
And he was all alone, and he sat down and he cried
And he is there till this day
All alone:

Okay, there’s your story!
Night-night!

Well, we dig dig dig
Well, we dig in our mine the whole day through
Dig dig dig, that is what we like to do
And it ain’t no trick to get rich quick
If you dig dig dig, with a shovel and a pick
Dig dig dig, the whole day through
Got to dig dig dig, it’s what we like to do in our mine, in our mine
Where a million diamonds shine
We got to dig dig dig, from the morning till the night
Dig dig dig up everything in sight
We got to dig dig dig, in our mine, in our mine
Dig up diamonds by the score
A thousand rubies, sometimes more
But we don’t know what we are diggin' for, yeah

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho
It’s off to work we go
We keep on singing all day long
Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho
Got to make your troubles go
Well, you keep on singing all day long
Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho

Books of Moses, bringing stone news
Wet in the water, weeping in the sun
Books of Moses, got some splinters didn’t you
Books of Moses, brought me right here back to you

Flaming heart, ain’t it sweet
Lighting the world at your feet
Books of Moses, myth and truth
Books of Moses, bring me back to you

Hero’s welcome, there stands your king
Where the serpent shudders and the angels sing
Books of Moses, happening again
Yes he knows us
Well welcome him, your friend

Books of Moses, bringing stone news
Wet is the water, blood covering the sun
Books of Moses, myth and truth
Books of Moses, bring me back to you

There was an old woman, lived by the seashore
Bow and balance me
There was an old woman, lived by the seashore
A number of daughters: one, two, three, four
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

There was a young man come there to see them
Bow and balance me
There was a young man come there to see them
and the oldest one got stuck on him
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

He bought the youngest a beaver hat
Bow and balance me
He bought the youngest a beaver hat
and the oldest one got mad at that
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

Oh, sister oh, sister let’s walk the seashore
Bow and balance me
Oh, sister oh, sister let’s walk the seashore
and see the ships as they’re sailing on
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

While these two sisters were walking the shore
Bow and balance me
While these two sisters were walking the shore
the oldest pushed the youngest o’er
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

Oh, sister oh, sister please lend me your hand
Bow and balance me
Oh, sister oh, sister please lend me your hand
and you will have Willy and all of his land
And then I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

I’ll never, I’ll never will lend you my hand
Bow and balance me
I’ll never, I’ll never will lend you my hand
but I’ll have Willy and all of his land
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

Some time she swam and some time she swam
Bow and balance me
Some time she sank and some time she swam
untill she came to the old mill dam
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

The miller, he got his fishinghook
Bow and balance me
The miller, he got his fishinghook
and fished that maiden out of the brook
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

Oh, miller oh, miller here’s five gold rings
Bow and balance me
Oh, miller oh, miller here’s five gold rings
to push the maiden in again
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

The miller received those five gold rings
Bow and balance me
The miller received those five gold rings
and pushed that maiden in again
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

The miller was hung in the old mill gate
Bow and balance me
The miller was hung in the old mill gate
for drowning little sister Kate
And I’ll be true to my love
if my love will be true to me

She drove a big ol' Lincoln with suicide doors
And a sewing machine in the back
And a light bulb that looked like an alligator egg
Was mounted up front on the hood

And she had an Easter bonnet that had been signed by Tennessee Ernie Ford
And she always had saw dust in her hair
And she cut two holes in the back of her dress
and she had these scapular wings
That were covered with feathers and electrical tape
And when she got good and drunk
She would sing about Elkheart, Indiana
Where the wind is strong and folks mind their own business

And she had at least a hundred old baseballs that she’d taken from kids
And she collected bones of all kinds
And she lived in a trailer under a bridge
And she made her own whiskey and gave cigarettes to kids
And she’d been struck by lightning seven or eight times
And she hated the mention of rain

And she made up her own language
And she wore rubber boots
And she could fix anything with string
And her lips were like cherries
And she was stronger than any man
And she smelled like gasoline and Rootbeer Fizz
And she put mud on a bee sting I got at the creek
And she gave me my very first kiss
And she gave me my very first kiss

Talking 'bout my little Kathleen
She’s just a fine young thing
Someday she’ll wear my ring
My little Kathleen

Oh mother I want a dog
I want a little dog
I saw a little dog
His name is happy

Well this is me …​
…​ old …​
I could be a shopkeeper
We’ll call 'em …​

She got a six foot pitchfork
I see the wrecking-ball
Back over here together
She got me here with or without

She got me coming through the dog door
She got me coming through the dog door

I said pitchfork
Oh step-ladders

You oughta walk away
But you can’t …​
…​ stairs
She got me gone back here
But don’t sit there
She let me keep the deck-chair

She got me coming through the dog door
She got me coming through the dog door

Pitchfork (pitchfork)
Crowbar (crowbar)
Clawhammer (clawhammer)
Hot tar (hot tar)

She got me through her middle name
But she can make it rain
She got a small-town chill
And she’s starving in the belly wheel

She got me coming through the dog door
She got me coming through the dog door

Pitchfork (pitchfork)
Crowbar (crowbar)
Clawhammer (clawhammer)
Hot tar (hot tar)

Not much chance, completely cut loose from purpose,
he was a young man riding a bus through North Carolina on the way to somewhere.
And it began to snow.

And the bus stopped at a little cafe in the hills and the passengers entered.
And he sat at the counter with the others, and he ordered, the food arrived.
And the meal was particularly good.
And the coffee.

The waitress was unlike the women he had known.
She was unaffected, and there was a natural humor which came from her.
And the fry cook said crazy things.
And the dishwasher in back laughed a good clean pleasant laugh.

And the young man watched the snow through the window.
And he wanted to stay in that cafe forever.
The curious feeling swam through him that everything was beautiful there.
And it would always stay beautiful there.

And then the bus driver told the passengers that it was time to board.
And the young man thought: "I’ll just stay here, I’ll just stay here."
And then he rose and he followed the others into the bus.
He found his seat and looked at the cafe through the window.
And then the bus moved off, down a curve, downward, out of the hills.

And the young man looked straight forward.
And he heard the other passengers speaking of other things,
or they were reading or trying to sleep.
And they hadn’t noticed the magic.
And the young man put his head to one side,
closed his eyes, and pretended to sleep.

There was nothing else to do,
just to listen to the sound of the engine,
and the sound of the tires
in the snow.

I left New York in 1949
To go across the country without a bad blame dime
Montana in the cold cold fall
Found my father in the gambling hall

Father, Father where you been?
I’ve been out in the world and I’m only ten
Father, Father where you been?
I’ve been out in the world and I’m only ten

Don’t worry about me if I should die of pleurisy

Across to Mississippi, across to Tennessee
Across the Niagara, home I’ll never be
Home in ol' Medora, home in Ol' Truckee
Apalachicola, home I’ll never be

Better or for worse, thick and thin
Like being married to the Little poor man
God he loves me (God he loves me)
Just like I love him (just like I love him)
I want you to do (I want you to do)
Just the same for him (just the same for him, yeah)

Well the worms eat away but don’t worry watch the wind
So I left Monatana on an old freight train (on an old freight train)
The night my father died in the cold cold rain (in the cold cold rain)

Road to Opelousas, road to Wounded Knee
Road to Ogallala home I’ll never be
Road to Oklahoma, road to El Cahon
Road to Tahachapi, road to San Antone

Hey, hey

Road to Opelousas, road to Wounded Knee
Road to Ogallala, home I’ll never be
Road to Oklahoma, road to El Cahon
Road to Tahachapi, road to San Antone

Home I’ll never be, home I’ll never be
Home I’ll never be, home I’ll never be
Home I’ll never be, home I’ll never be

Poor little lamb now his fleece is all cold
Wakes up in the morning alone
Poor little lamb knows what’s coming
Life is an empty cup

Poor little lamb watch your shoulder
Coyote’s waiting out there
Nobody will get any older
If we don’t find a way out of here

So let’s go on a bummer this summer
Where we won’t have to be afraid
The world will be on a hummer, boys
And we’ll laugh and we’ll drink lemonade

He’s an ol' altar boy
Lying out there in the street
He’s an ol' alter boy
Bound up in leather and chains
That’s why I’m feeling so blue
I’m an old altar boy
What about you?

Now, I can order in Latin
Make 'em au gratin, Joe
I’m an old altar boy
That’s why I’m so depressed
I never got the rest of the dream
Just the ritual
Now I’m habitual
Majoring in crimes that are unspeakable
Cause I’m an old altar boy
That’s what happened to me.

I’m an old altar boy
He’s hoping he can meet a woman dressed like a nun
He knows there’s got to be some around here
Drinking across from the church
A little Father Cribari wine
On a Sunday morn' time.

I’m an old altar boy.
Why is he winking at this time in his life?
He never took a wife, cause he’s an old altar boy
Oh, yeah…​
What about you?

Well let’s see, we had the eh, we had the Fairlane.
Then the u-joints went out on that and the bushings and then your mother wanted to trade it in on the Tornado, so we got the Tornado.
God, I hated the color of that son of a bitch.
And the dog destroyed the upholstery on the Ford.
Boy, that was long before you were born.
We called it the Yellowbird, two-door, three on the tree.
Tight little mother.
Threw a rod, sold it to Jacobs for a hundred dollar.

Now the Special eh, four-holer, you’ve never seen body panels lining up like that.
Overhead cam, dual exhaust.
You know I had, let’s see I had, four Buicks, loved them all.

Now your Uncle Emmet, well he drives a Thunderbird, it used to belong to your Aunt Evelyn.
Now, she ruined it, drove it to Indiana with no gear oil.
That was the end of that!
Sold that Cadillac to your mom.
Your mom loved that Caddy.
Independent rear suspension,
Landau top, good tires.
Gas hog.
I swear it had the power to repair itself.

I love the old, Dan Steele used to give 'em to me at a discount.
Showroom models and that.
And then there was the Pontiac and…​
God, I loved that Pontiac.
Well, it was kind of an ox-blood.
It just kinda handled so beautifully.
Yeah, I miss that car. Well, it was a long time ago, a long time ago.

The smoke from the battle fish and the rain soaked through
and the wheelman left the shore
and barns tumbled and silos flew across fifteen miles bad road tar
And big Bull Trometer hung on to the side
and the pig dogs trembled on Spidey’s wild ride

And big John Jizom from downtown Chizom
flew away with old mrs. Storm
And they found Bird Lundy neath a keg of nails crooked as a dog’s hind leg
Keeping warm after twenty-nine days on hard assed bread
he drilled to the big outside and clung like a tick to his waterfront
life mooned and clouded, blued and skied
And all the clocks blew up on Spidey’s wild ride

And the hills stood up in a great big 3
and left me whipped by the forces that were inside me
Loud as the ocean, cold as a desk, red as the water on the river of flesh
And he was sewing up his pants while he was shoeing a mule
And he was bucking a head wind gale
But the crooked ass beauty was trapped to the side
and he shook on Spidey’s wild ride

And all the statue ass makers, and the uprooted trees
And I shouted way up to where the rabbit digs his hole
and the wheelman, the jockeys the landlords and thee
were bucking a head wind south
and with nine lives spent, he landed on his rent
composed with a steele head salmon in his mouth
and I never did see another day outside
cause I’d had enough travel on Spidey’s wild ride

They shot him down
They shot him down
They thought he was a monster
But he was the King

They came to his island
And they brought her with them
They wanted to get his picture
But they were surprised by his enormous size

And when he saw the woman
He took her without question
Because after all
He was the King

And he loved the woman
He loved the way she looked
And she wouldn’t stop screaming

But he loved the woman
And he fought a Tyrannosaurus Rex
And it was a bloody battle
But he fought it for his woman

And he climbed up a mountain
And he looked around
Some kind of forest
With all these dinosaurs

And he stripped his woman
He stripped her bare
But there was a pterodactyl
There!

And then a hero
Came and took his woman
And they fell off the mountain
Into some water

And then later
He came looking for his woman
But they were waiting
And they threw a bomb

And they tied him
And took him across the ocean
And they chained him
And put him in the show

And when he saw his woman
He broke loose
And everyone fled in terror
And he was looking for her

And he overtook a train
And he was looking in the street
And then he found her in her apartment

And he climbed up the Empire State building
It was like a phallic symbol
And he took his woman
To the top of that towering temple

And he climbed up and looked around
Some kind of city
With all those skyscrapers
And all the cars

Just him and his screaming woman
And they were finally alone
He loved his woman
You could see it in his eyes
His great big eyes

He loved his woman
From the moment that he saw her
He was all choked up inside

But when the airplanes came
He was soon to die
But he hung on long enough to set his woman down
And make sure that she was safe

And as the bullets pierced
He looked at her so sincere
Before he fell
Because he loved his woman

And they shot him down
They thought he was a monster
But he was the King

Who killed the monkey
'Twas beauty that killed the beast

And Willis O’Brien died
A tragic death
There wasn’t much
That he had left

And Ray Harryhousen said
That when Willis died
That’s when the King was really dead

They shot him down
They shot him down
They thought he was a monster
But he was the King

I left New York in 1949
To go across the country without a bad blame dime
Montana in the cold cold fall
Found my father in the gambling hall

Father, Father where you been?
I’ve been out in the world and I’m only ten
Father, Father where you been?
I’ve been out in the world and I’m only ten

Don’t worry about me if I should die of pleurisy

Across to Mississippi, across to Tennessee
Across the Niagara, home I’ll never be
Home in ol' Medora, home in Ol' Truckee
Apalachicola, home I’ll never be

Better or for worse, thick and thin
Like being married to the Little poor man
God he loves me (God he loves me)
Just like I love him (just like I love him)
I want you to do (I want you to do)
Just the same for him (just the same for him, yeah)

Well the worms eat away but don’t worry watch the wind
So I left Monatana on an old freight train (on an old freight train)
The night my father died in the cold cold rain (in the cold cold rain)

Road to Opelousas, road to Wounded Knee
Road to Ogallala home I’ll never be
Road to Oklahoma, road to El Cahon
Road to Tahachapi, road to San Antone

Hey, hey

Road to Opelousas, road to Wounded Knee
Road to Ogallala, home I’ll never be
Road to Oklahoma, road to El Cahon
Road to Tahachapi, road to San Antone

Home I’ll never be, home I’ll never be
Home I’ll never be, home I’ll never be
Home I’ll never be, home I’ll never be

Thanks, uh…​ You know uh, this is weird uh…​
Most of us have dogs, allright? [applause]
I don’t know if it’s a local thing where I live, or if it’s everywhere, and I’m checking it with you because uh, I don’t get in the area that often and I’m just checking to see if…​
There’s a new kind of a dog treat. And uh (where I live) and they’re available in the pet store and for the longest time I just thought that it was some kind of a prank. Or uh…​
I wasn’t really sure what it was, until I read the label on the back and it said "Bull Penis" [laughter]
I was a little shocked! I know you can get just about ANYTHING in this world.
You can get a whale’s pancreas if you’d want one! I can get you one! [laughter]
But com’on, a bull’s penis! How busy they were their whole lives.
And they throw it to a dog, like that, for a snack! [laughter]
Now, are they available here in the Los Angeles area? They are, aren’t they?
Doesn’t that make you a little weazy?
Makes you wanna live a long time.
And on the back, on the bottom it said: "100% natural"!
I mean…​ that’s the part that really got me. And it said: "A Real Meat Snack".
There’s just no dignity in that. Uh, anyway…​
The other thing is that they’re 36 inches long! [laughter]
They’re so long they had to cut them into bite-size portions.
And then they take two of them and braid them together.
I know, I know! I never want it done. But uh…​
This is a song written for Gregory Peck for his dating my mom…​
That’s a lie!

I was in a line at the supermarket the other day, and uhm…​ y’know, I had all my things on the little conveyor belt there. And uh…​ there’s a gal in front of me that is uh.. well, she’s staring at me and I’m getting a little nervous and uh, she continues to stare at me. And I uh, I keep looking the other way. And then, finally she comes over closer to me and she says: "I apologize for staring, that must have been annoying. I, I…​ You look so much like my son, who died. I just can’t take my eyes off you." And she precedes to go into her purse and she pulls out a photograph of her son who’d died. And uh, he looks absolutely nothing like me. In fact he’s…​ Chinese. Uh…​ anyway, we chatted a little bit. And uh, she says: "I’m sorry, I have to ask you. Would you mind, as I leave the supermarket here, would you mind saying "Goodbye mom" to me? I, I know it’s a strange request but I haven’t heard my son saying "Goodbye mom" to me, and "So long" and it would mean so much to me to hear it. And uh, if you don’t mind I…​ " And I said: "Well, you know, okay, yeah, sure. Eh.. uh…​ I can say that." And, and so, she uh gets her groceries all checked out. And uh, as she’s going out the door she waves at me and she hollers across the store: "Goodbye son!" And I look up and I wave and I say: "Goodbye mom!" And then she goes, and uh…​ So I get my few things there, on the conveyor belt and the checker checks out my things. And uh, and he gives me the total and he says: "That’ll be four hundred and seventy nine dollars." Uh…​ and I said: "Well, how is that possible! I’ve only got a little tuna fish, and uh some skimmed milk, and uh mustard and a loaf of bread…​" He goes: "Well, well you’re also paying for the groceries for your mother. She uh, told me you’d take care of the bill for her." And I said: "Well, wait a minute! That’s not my mother!" And he says: "Well I distinctly heard her say as she left the store "Bye son!" and you said "Bye mom!" and so what are you trying to say here, uh…​" I said: "Well, JESUS!" And I looked out into the parking lot and she was just getting into her car. And I ran out there. And she was just closing the door, and she had a little bit of her leg sticking out of the door and she was pulling away and I grabbed her leg and I started PULLING it! Just the way…​ I’m pulling yours…​